Confession: I love being married. And I love being a mom.
Last night I woke up in the middle of the night for some random reason, and I thought about the two humans I spend most of my time with and how much I love them. I love watching TV with James when we’re both just ready to crash from the day. I love that he’ll tickle my back every night because it helps me fall asleep (I know this sounds sooo annoying, but he says he doesn’t mind). There’s nothing more fun to me than laughing like idiots from time to time and continuously talking about how cute we think our baby is.
I love watching him chase Haven around the house, making her laugh harder than I knew was possible for a kid her size. I love being a stay at home mom to her. It’s so fun to watch her feed herself Cheerios, even though they get on the floor, and I step on them later. There’s nothing that makes me feel happier than when I come to get her up from her nap and she pops up saying, “Hi!” or “Howareyou?” (Yeah, it’s one word for her.)
I think about how much I love these two, then somewhere in my mind, it gets clouded. I go from feeling joyful, to thinking about the future and thinking that it won’t be as great because that’s what people say. “Oh, but maybe I won’t feel this way when I’m forty-five and we’ve had all our kids and we’ve been married for a long time,” or “I probably won’t love being a mom so much when I have more kids and life is crazy and there are messes all over.”
I know I shouldn’t cast blame, but you dang naysayers, you’ve tainted my mind.
When James and I got married, people would ask us, “How’s married life?” When I said, “I love it!” you naysayers would reply with, “Just wait until you have kids…” So basically marriage will suck after having kids? I won’t love my husband anymore? I’ll love my kids so much that I won’t have room to love my husband? I had already been skeptical enough about marriage because of all the negativity that goes around. I was surprised when marriage was actually enjoyable, but I was just waiting for what was to come.
When I got pregnant and acted excited, you would say, “Just wait until the baby comes….” Other men told James that once a baby was around, he’d be toast to me. Once again, it was surprising when we had a baby and…James and I still liked each other. And life wasn’t all terrible like you naysayers said it was going to be. It wasn’t easy, but the picture you had painted wasn’t my reality.
It wasn’t until last night, though, that I discovered that “just wait” or that kind of mentality has actually polluted my vision of the future. And that’s my problem now; I should’ve realized that I don’t really trust you naysayers, and it’s my choice how I view life and how I face it.
Obviously nobody’s life is perfect. My marriage isn’t perfect and obviously being a mom isn’t, but I think we all know and expect that. I’m just calling your bluff on this “just wait” crap. People can’t tell me how my marriage will be because they could never know how I’d be in that close of a relationship or how my spouse would be. And almost every mom I know is unique in how she parents, how she responds to her kids, and how she feels about motherhood. How could you know how it will be for me?
I know that maybe you’re just trying to be funny or prepare people or something, but I say we’ve had enough. Getting married and having a kid is already scary enough. Maybe instead of being condescending and wanting people to understand (more than they already do) that they don’t really know anything about life or what’s to come, just say, “Congratulations. I’m excited to see what you guys become.” That’s actually kind of a weird sentence, but you know what I mean? I can’t imagine how refreshing it would be if someone would just have hope that a couple can be happy for 50 years or that a woman can actually enjoy being a mom longer than the first year of her first baby’s life.
Naysayers, I know you want the world to see how it really is, to shed those rose-colored glasses, but just let it go. Let the rest of us just try to figure it out without your words corrupting our vision of what’s to come. Thanks.